Priorities

1, 2, 3. A, B, C. Red, orange, yellow. Priorities. I have them. Most days, I try to keep them in order: family, work, everything else.  Last night, I mixed them up. I broke a new hard and fast rule: no e-mail after supper. It protects me from sleepless nights and distracted evenings with Ryan.

I checked my e-mail last night. I received one of “those” e-mails: that ominous “objection” to service. I was distracted during bath time. No cheerful conversations with Ryan’s seahorse or whale. No discussions of “bottom bubbles” (toots) in the tub. (He is a boy, after all).  Bed time came….and went. Ryan snuggled in my lap, comforting in his baby ways.  Eventually, exhausted, he fell asleep with no stories, and no songs. Priorities.

Hours later, I found myself awake. I wasn’t tossing and turning lest I wake the sleeping two-year old in bed beside me. Instead, I lay there, sweating, panic-stricken. Did we send the defendant notice? How had I let it go?

I wanted to quit my job. Really, I did. I was overwhelmed and exhausted. My immediate solution is always, I’ll quit my job and stay home. I love being a mom--more than anything in this world-- I love being a mom. I’ve surprised myself by enjoying diaper change chattering and wiping sticky fingers. I actually like that wet-puppy smell of a little boy who has played too hard outside. I’m unendingly patient: I realized this two nights ago when I helped Ryan James carefully tuck in his trains and kiss each of them good night. Nights like these, I find myself thinking that I really could do this mommy-thing full time.

This morning, I checked my endless e-mail files and discovered that yes, of course, we had served the defendant. Yes, of course, the defendant was lying (they all lie). I vented. I nearly cried. I cleaned my desk. And, with new vigor, I made a solemn vow: Priorities. Family. Work. Everything else.