The Negotiations

When I was in law school, my contracts professor tried to teach us a little bit about negotiating a deal. I got the basics: offer, acceptance, conditional offers, conditional acceptance. I'd like to think that I'm a little better at making deals now than I was before law school. But, my recent dealings with my children might suggest otherwise:

We have the basic offer: "RJ, are you hungry? Do you want to eat?"

The basic rejection: "No, I'm not hungry."

The counter offer with express ramifications for rejection:  "RJ, you need to eat now, or there will be no food later on. This is the last call."

The basic rejection:  "No. I'm not hungry."

And then things fall apart.

"RJ, it's time for bed."

"But Mommy, I'm hungry! There's nothing in my tummy! I want to eat now!"

Someone needs to teach the child about offer and acceptance. Because the offer expires every night the same way. And, every night, we have the same dilemma. So far, I'm winning this battle.

Then, we have the conditional offers:

"RJ, if you don't take a nap now, there's no video games tonight." (Mario Kart is preschooler crack and makes for some great bargaining currency).

Four hours later: "Mommy, if I'm good, can I play the video games?"

Response: "No. You didn't take a nap."

And then things fall apart. And the Wii goes in the cupboard for another week.

I can handle the preschooler negotiations. I feel like I'm winning. The toddler negotiations, however, have thrown me for a loop.

Three a.m. GiGi wants to negotiate: "Mama? Mama! Nay nay!" (Mommy is sleeping. Turns over and tries to ignore toddler.).

"Mama? Mama!" (Toddler situates adorable ruffled butt on Mama's head and commences bouncing. Ruffle butts are cute, but not at 3 a.m. Not like this.).

At this point, I should note that GiGi does actually sleep in her crib a good portion of the night. And, after last night, she'll be spending more time in her crib.

"Mama? Mama!" "Bug bug. Bug bug baby!" She's looking for her new blankie. And I gave it to her. At this point, toddler negotiations crater completely. (Toddler carefully situates bug bug blankie on Mama's face and tucks it in.).

Toddler goes to crib. And then to the playroom with Daddy. Where she resorts to violence. There's screaming (hers). Reports from Daddy indicate that she threw a shoe at his head after he refused to let her shop in the pantry at 5 a.m. She's an angry toddler. 

Throwing shoes is not in my law school offer/acceptance repertoire. Neither was a bouncing ruffle butt or a bug bug blankie. Just goes to show that I'm still learning every day. And hoping that my opposing counsel are more dignified than my children.