A Christian Lawyer?

I am a lawyer and a mommy 24 hours/7 days a week.  I proclaim to be a Christian 24 hours/7 days a week. But, when clients call at 5 o’clock on Friday, and when the boss calls at 9 o’clock on a Tuesday night, I find it difficult to let my little light shine. The little light also flickers when R.J. is hurling his face at my shoulder, teeth bared and ready to sink in one more time.  

This weekend, I was invited by a family friend to sit at her table at an “Advent by Candlelight” function. Normally, I would have made excuses--it’s Saturday night, I’m tired, R.J. needs his mommy at bedtime--but, this once, I needed an infusion of the true Christmas spirit. So, I went.

My friend hosted a table, which means that she decorated the table, fed us, and served us.  Her table was set with her wedding china (ladies, what an awesome way to finally use that beautiful china that we agonized about for months before the big day!).  We had cake. We visited. We admired each other’s Christmas attire--sweaters, dresses, and hair bows in varying shades of sparkle and glitz. 

There was a guest speaker--a fact that typically strikes a chord of dread in my heart. For the most part, I find speakers to be an eyelid turner.*  Kristen Myers, however, was not an eyelid turner.  She was an eye opener.  While her speech on Christmas was inspiring, it was her daily mantra that really stuck with me: “Am I living to impress, or, am I living to bless?”

Our darling nanny lives to bless.  When she first started working for us, I thought it slightly strange that when she asked if she could help out, she would say, “I just want to be a blessing.” A year later, I know that she genuinely means it, and she is a blessing.  She takes care of my boy. She takes care of me. And I look forward to her smile, her gentle nature, and my morning tea at the kitchen table with her.  For over a year, I have been blessed to have her to teach me how to be a blessing. We teach R.J. to smile at the store clerks, to wave at parades, and to use his toddler charms to be a blessing to others.

But, I’m a lawyer. A debt collecting lawyer. At a big firm. How can I live to bless and not impress? How to merge those two ideals? I started making a point to say good morning to my secretary every day (a simple thing really, but how many of us forget to say good morning?). I try to refill the corporate candy dish every couple of months. I struggle with the billable hour--the shareholders are impressed by big numbers.  And so, for six years, I have struggled to impress, all eyes on the prize: did I bill over 7 hours today? (Yes! Score! or No. Boooo.) But, what if, instead of focusing on the hours on the spreadsheet, I strive to be a blessing to the shareholders I work for? To be a blessing means that some of their stress is alleviated--that they too have time for their families.  The numbers will follow.

And so, today, I am attempting to do the impossible: become a Christian lawyer.  Merge my faith (albeit faltering at times) with my profession. In the past year, I have tried to “fix” my broken attitude with a new calendar system, new schedules, a reorganized office, and multiple doctor’s visits to try and cure what ails me.  But, the real change must be the way I practice law--not the way I write or the way I organize. A complete change in attitude.  With each phone call, e-mail, and visit down the hall, I will ask myself: “Am I trying to impress? Or, am I trying to bless?”

*Years ago, my mom attended a never-ending awards banquet, at which the honoree’s daughters used the speaker’s time to see who could turn her eyelids inside out the longest--i.e., a real eyelid turner.